Jurassic World (**)

There's a sense of awe and wonder that comes from rewatching the original "Jurassic Park." Steven Spielberg's thriller is a near masterpiece of suspense and design. When the film was rereleased to theaters a few years back (3D no less), I recall the genuine thrill I had, even though the film is something I have seen perhaps dozens of times. The T-Rex scene in particular was filmmaking at its finest.
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How thrilled were we to hear about "Jurassic World," the long-awaited follow up to the trilogy that ended over 10 years ago? I know I was pumped. The single shot of Chris Pratt riding a motorcycle through the jungle accompanied by a band of raptors was enough to send chills up my spine. Of course the anticipation leading up to this film was immense, and can we really be surprised to see it fail so spectacularly?

It's 20 years after the first film, and the theme park has been purchased by an oil profiteer (the 8th richest man in the word, no less). With state-of-the-art technology and staff, the park is transformed into a destination for product-placement galore. Maybe the movie is making a commentary about it - but how many times did we need to see a Starbucks shop or a Pandora boutique or a scene in which we learn that Verizon is going to sponsor their latest dinosaur?

Our story follows two boys, sent to visit their aunt, Claire, (the workaholic "I don't need a man" type played by Bryce Dallas Howard) during their parents difficult divorce. How that was needed for plot I can't be sure, but the fillers in which the boys discuss their parents' separation or a moody phone call to the mother in the midst of a legal meeting are jarring to say the least. At the park, Claire is too busy to be with the boys, who wander off grounds to explore the island on their own... Naturally.

What is she busy with, you ask? The theme park is losing visitors, because apparently dinosaurs are no more special than seeing an elephant or giraffe. They devise a new dinosaur, genetically-engineered to be a combination of all the most lethal animals and predators. The goal is to scare children, but one character declares that "this will give the parents nightmares." Having eaten its sibling and been left in isolation, the I-Rex anxiously awaits its escape.

The counterpart to Claire's passivity and weak attributes is Owen (the likable Chris Pratt). He serves the ranger-type role previously held by the "clever girl" chap from the first film. This time, he has learned to train the raptors on the island. He is called in to check the I-Rex's pen for vulnerabilities, and boy does he find a whopper...

Here are my main issues with the film. First: this is a cheesy monster movie. The film series has slowly stepped away from the initial wonder of showing dinosaurs as living animals once more. Here, they are no more than horror movie villains, lurking in shadows and plotting with intentions as focused as a psychopath. The way we see dinosaurs communicate in this film, it's a wonder they haven't devised a written language yet. The action builds up to a corny final battle (that some would call great) that is so full of flaws and error of plot that audiences are hopefully either numb or too bored to care about the illogical nature of the scene at all. Without spoiling anything, how are we expected to believe this I-Rex is the most deadly of all animals when it can be defeated with so little force?

Second: our characters are a mess across the board. From Claire's dependence on sex (or the lack thereof)  and dependence on Owen for safety, the feminist movement in film has undoubtedly been set back 30 years. Our two boys who take center stage are forgettable mop-heads who are there only to provide a greater sense of urgency and fear, and Chris Pratt as Owen is equal parts charming and dull. Perhaps the only likable character is Lowery, a computer tech who is a vaguely heroic nod to the original film's Nedry. He provides the occasional comic relief, and amidst the variety of plot holes and film qualms, it's much needed comedy, indeed.

The disregard for human life is appalling, and the action leaves much to be desired. What the filmmakers didn't realize when producing "Jurassic World" was that we aren't only here to see people get eaten. We are here to see something that has never been seen before. In all the years that this film has been in development, it's a shame it took so long to get it wrong.

(Awards potential: Best Visual Effects, Best Sound Editing, Best Sound Mixing)